What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 27.06.2025 00:20
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Especially a lifetime of it.
How can I easily get rid of my writers block?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
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All the time i was locked up.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
(And it was in our own minds.)
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He knew the spot.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Why are people of mixed race seen as more attractive than non-mixed-race people?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
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I will be 64.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
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Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
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And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was 9 years of age.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
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Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why are Korean female leads so angry all the time?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But, we were locked up after school.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And i lived it daily.
I have no regrets .
Would this be the day?
Comes on , in middle age.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I never cut or harmed myself..
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I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She loved him until the end.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I waited trembling.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I don,t even have a pension.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One cannot live in the past .
She found it foreign!.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was scared of men, in general
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Was to survive, this bastard.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why did i forgive my father ?
So, i spoilt her more .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
This is soul school!.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was seconnd youngest,
I was very sick at this time too.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im still living with it.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She was in good health!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
What did i know ?
Who then, do I blame.?
But ive been too sick for many years..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Put me off passion for life!!
When she asked me how she looked .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My life is so biszare .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She wouldn,t have been !
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I couldn’t, believe it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We were not on the streets..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
It was going to be , some day.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I think the readers, may guess!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I write beautiful poetry .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But it wasn’t much.
She married twice! .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My family never makes their pension either.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I said to her
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So whats the point in blame.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We all went to grammer schools
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Ive learnt so much.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!